sunshine

Two-faced

I love my brother.

I have an incredible amount of respect for my brother, Michael. I love him deeply. I am fortunate to have such a wonderful person in my life.

"You shouldn't settle for less than 100% of what you want [in a relationship]."
-Michael Forrest

ATTENTION!

QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS SUPPORT GROUP

ARE YOU LACKING MOTIVATION?
DO YOU CARE ABOUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EXCEPT SLEEPING AND EATING?
ARE YOU BROKE?
LET'S COMPLAIN TOGETHER!

MEETING PLACE: ?
TIME: NEVER (I can't get out of bed, but I'm here for you!)

Extremely Loud and Increadibly Close-- quotes

“I did not need to know if he could love me. I needed to know if he could need me.” [84]

“Just because you’re an atheist, that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t love for things to have reasons for why they are.” [13]

“I’m trying,” Mr. Goldberg said to me, as if only the two of us existed. “Trying what?” I asked, in a voice more concerned than I’d wanted, he took off his glasses again, “Trying to be.” [126]

“That is what death is like. It doesn’t matter what uniforms the soldiers are wearing. It doesn’t matter how good the weapons are. I thought if everyone could see what I saw, we would never have war anymore.” [189]

“No matter how much I feel, I’m not going to let it out. If I have to cry, I’m gonna cry on the inside. If I have to bleed, I’ll bruise. If my heart starts going crazy, I’m not gonna tell everyone in the world about it. It doesn’t help anything. It just makes everyone’s life worse….” “But if you’re burying your feelings deep inside you, you won’t really be you, will you?” [201]

“Well, what I don’t get is why do we exist? I don’t mean how, but why.” I watched the fireflies of his thoughts orbit his head. He said, “We exist because we exist.” “What the?” “We could imagine all sorts of universes unlike this one, but this is the one that happened.” [13]

“If I’d been somone else in a different world I’d've done something different, but I was myself and the world was the world, so I was silent.” [30]

the Tree

the Tree
I walk by every morning
was once thriving
its branches reached up to the sky
and graced all the creatures
who set foot upon its vegetation
until one day, I noticed its absence
cut down
by a force that's blunt
and unexplainable
confusing and unfortunate
it couldn't save itself from its fate
it couldn't grasp on to the sky
and simply refuse its demise
but something still remains
the stump is hard to look at
I behold
its sad smooth sorry surface
and the roots still linger
deep in the ground
they cling on to life
dark and deep below the surface
and I wonder
if the tree will grow back
out of spite
or conceivably because living is all it knows how to do
only to be slaughtered
once again.

i smell spring

little Chelsea
sits at a desk
with her political book
wishing there was no such thing
as politics
and cancer
because she likes to play with cigarettes
and inhale their magic wonder
when she's too anxious
to focus on anything else
and she clenches her teeth
with anticipation of warm weather
and better times.

doodlin

Their attitudes differ- Margaret Atwood

i

To understand
each other: anything
but that, & to avoid it

I will suspend my search for
germs if you will keep
your fingers off the microfilm
hidden inside my skin

ii

I approach this love
like a biologist
pulling on my rubber
gloves & white labcoat

You flee from it
like an escaped political
prisoner, and no wonder

iii

You held out your hand
I took your fingerprints

You asked for love
I gave you only descriptions

Please die I said
so I can write about it